


Why Lex is no longer allowed to celebrate ChristmMMPH!

by josephina_x



Category: Smallville
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Thanksgiving, also: Christmas ATTACKS!!!, and confusion between the two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 05:04:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1128661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josephina_x/pseuds/josephina_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for ctbn60's picture prompt (see notes).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Lex is no longer allowed to celebrate ChristmMMPH!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ctbn60](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ctbn60/gifts).



> Title: Why Lex is no longer allowed to celebrate ChristmMMPH!  
> Picture-prompt from ctbn60:   
> AN: Okay, super-belated, but I was having plot issues. This is the third idea I had; I think it works--?  
> Original post date: 2014-01-10  
> Original post location: [LJ post](http://josephina-x.livejournal.com/43425.html)

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Clark! Come in, come in!"

"Lex? What are you doing?"

"I'm celebrating the festive holiday season!"

"...With garlands of fallen leaves and corn cobs?"

"Yes!"

"Uh... Lex?"

"Yes?"

"I think you're celebrating the wrong holiday."

"No, I'm fairly sure that these are the right sorts of things for Thanksgiving."

"...Lex?"

"Yes, Clark?"

"...I think you're celebrating the wrong holiday."

"No, I'm not."

"Lex, it's ChristmMMPH!"

"SHH!"

"Mmph?"

"It's Thanksgiving, Clark."

"Mm-mmm-- ugh, no, it's not, Lex, it's--"

"SHH!!"

"..."

" _It's Thanksgiving, Clark._ "

"...Lex?"

"Yes?"

"... _Why_ are you celebrating Thanksgiving today?"

"Because bad things tend to happen to me on that **other** day. --But _today_ isn't that **other** day, it's _Thanksgiving_ , so nothing bad will happen."

"..."

"And it will work out just fine, because Thanksgiving's _completely_ different from that **other** holiday."

"...Lex?"

"Yes, Clark? --Oh, here, put on your hat first."

"My what? --Wait, why do _I_ get the Native American hat!?"

"Because you get along with the Kawatche better."

"No, I don't! I try to stay away from them. They sort of creep me out."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"...Do you want me to wear the creepy Kawatche hat, so you can wear the Pilgrim hat instead?"

"Please."

"..."

"...Okay, so, Lex -- you know the holidays aren't all that different, right?"

"Yes, they are."

"No, they aren't!"

"Yes, they are!"

"No, they-- Okay, look, you've got decorations up, right?"

"Yes, but they're not--"

"--They're decorations, and they're strung up like wreaths and tinsel."

"No, they--"

" _ **Lex!**_ "

"...Fine."

"Okay. Decorations, check. Next, there's the whole having friends and family over--"

"I only invited you. Dad's not invited -- I'm disowning him."

"...Okay. But. You specifically invited me over for the holiday."

"...I guess."

"So, next is presents."

"Aha!"

"Hat."

"Wait, no, that's..."

"..."

"...Drat. That really shouldn't count as a present though. I can do better."

"I thought that you were trying to avoid the C-holiday?"

"...Drat."

"So--"

" _\--WAIT!_ What about the food!"

"What?"

"The food is different!"

"No, it isn't!"

"Yes, it is! Thanksgiving has turkey, and stuffing, and cranberries, and mashed potatoes, and gravy, and all of that! _And_ pumpkin pie!"

"So does Christmas."

"--No, it doesn't!"

"Yes, it does!"

"No, people eat ham for Christmas!"

"...Lex?"

"Yes?"

"Ham is the thing people usually get if they can't get turkey for Christmas, or don't want to spend so much time cooking it."

"It is?"

"Yeah."

"...Oh."

"Yeah."

"But... but that's..."

"Yeah?"

"...not _fair_."

"Sorry."

"..."

"Really, Lex, you did okay."

"But, but that means..."

"Lex?"

"...that I'm actually celebrating..."

"Is that a turkey in your hallway?"

"...Christmas..."

"Dressed up in weird mini-sized pilgrim clothing?"

"...today."

"Why do you have a turkey dressed up in weird mini-sized pilgrim clothing wandering the mansion?"

"Er, I thought it would be festive?"

"...Uh, Lex?"

"Yes, Clark?"

"...Are its eyes supposed to be glowing green like that?"

"Oh, no. Not again!"

"Lex?!"

"--Clark, run! It's the attack of Christmas again this year!"

"Oh _GEEZ!!!_ "

"Here, quick, grab a mug! We'll try to bean it in the head to slow it down, and make a break for it!"

"Okay, okay, on three--"

"--agh! _Three! THREE IS NOW!_ "

"--run! Lex, run run run!"

"CLARK!!"

"AGH!"

"The door-- get the door!"

"AGH!! LEX!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I didn't know about the ham!"

"You are not allowed to celebrate Christmas anymore, Lex!"

"I know!!"

"And-- _Ack!_ Did you just feel that?!"

"Yes, yes I did!"

"Lex, turkeys aren't supposed to be able to hit doors that hard!"

"I know! I'm sorry -- it's Christmas, I swear!"

"What are we gonna do if it breaks down the door, Lex?!"

"..."

"..."

"Car! Head for the car!"

"Right!"

"Stupid Christmas!"

"Okay, okay -- head for the farm -- I'll call ahead and convince my dad to get out the rifle!"

"He'd better be a good shot!!"

"Who said anything about my dad firing it? My mom's the better shot!"

"Oh, good! She likes me better anyway!"

"What?"

"--Nothing!"

~*~*~*~*~*~


End file.
